K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
