Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
