he shaved USA in his pubs
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize