Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
