I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize