So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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