Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you inspire me to be a worse person
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
