So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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