he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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