I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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