I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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