He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
