About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
