if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
