dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I need a beard to bite.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
