Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
