Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
