Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
