i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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