I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
