It's Friday. Sex?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
