Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
