Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
