I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
