Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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