I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
