I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
