i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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