New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
