Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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