I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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