Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
