Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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