If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
be right there i have to get my cape
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
