Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
