I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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