I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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