I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
