I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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