its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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