on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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