so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize