I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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