i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
