There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
