Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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