Dual....:-)
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
