no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
