That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
