Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
