FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
