I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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