Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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