I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
