That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
