Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
