Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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