I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
