I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
