She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
