Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
