did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
