Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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