Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
