Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
