Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
