I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
