dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
